If I said I wasn't freaking out...I'd be lying.
Here we are....3 days til my team and I board a plane that will take us to our home for the next two weeks. While I can't say the name of the place I'm going to for safety reasons, I can tell you that I will be spending the next two weeks in China.
For most missions trips, at least from what I hear, the person going knows pretty much everything he or she needs to know before they leave. For this particular trip, its not the case because of the high-risk nature of the trip. If I said I wasn't freaking out...I'd be lying.
Yes, itseasy to say that God is in control, and God will take care of us while we are over there. And while I truly believe those things, I am also human, which means there is a part of me that is anxious, nervous, and scared about the trip.
From Day 1 of knowing about the trip, we knew it was a high risk trip. We knew we wouldn't be able to talk about it or say where we were going. We knew there is a possibly of being arrested if we're caught doing what we're going to be doing. Now, though its all become a reality.
It's become a reality that I won't be here for Christmas, while the rest of my family celebrates together. I won't be here for New Years Eve, while my friends and family ring in a new year. I will be missing half of my winter break, sacrificing seeing friends that I haven't seen in a while.
But I wouldn't have it any other way.
I love thinking back over the years at the transformation that God has been doing in my life. If you would've told me at the beginning of my freshman year of college that I would be doing missions work two years from then, I would probably wouldn't have paid it any attention. If you would told me that I would be going to Africa and China in the same year, I would've laughed. While reminiscing about how far God has led me in my walk, I can't help but to think what is the driving factor of me wanting to go on this trip.
The obvious answer would be : Jesus.
The less "Sunday School" answer would be that it literally breaks my heart to look at the world around me and not be able to say I helped out the best way I could. The Love that dwells in me propels me to go out into the world in hopes of giving others a chance of finding the joy of Christ, just as I have. Its obvious that we live in a broken world, I believe that even atheists wouldn't deny that point.It's also obvious that this world needs a sense of hope, which I pray will be taken to the people of China when we arrive there on Saturday.
All too often lately, I've heard people tell me, "Im proud of you" or "You're doing amazing things" and every time someone says this I just want to tell them that they shouldn't be proud of me for doing what we're all supposed to do. It's almost as if I'm doing somethingout of the ordinary, which if you're looking by the standard of the world, I am, but most of the people that say those things are people who claim to be Christians. To them, it shouldn't anything but the ordinary, it should be the norm, it should be what they expect out of people who call themselves Christ Followers.
Lets also get another point out of the way, you don't have to be perfect to be a "missionary". In fact, throughout my life, I feel as though I've led many people away from Christ with my actions, which pains me to say but its the truth. In my short 20 years, I've dealt with the struggles of sin. Alcohol, Drugs, Sex....You name it, more than likely I've struggled with it. I don't say this to brag but to make a point that God will use you no matter what your story is. I am not perfect, but I am a child of the perfect and holy God. I consider what I am doing not work of a "missionary" because I am not out to make converts, I am out to show people the love of Christ and plant the seeds with the faith that God will water them. I consider it a privilege and an honor to serve alongside Him.
So here I sit at 2:45am in the morning on the 14th, nervous as ever. Nervous but ready to serve Him. I ask of you reading this to pray. Pray that in whatever happens, God's will be done.
Theres a song by NeedtoBreathe called "Garden" and its sung from Jesus' point of view while he was the garden the night before his death. The opening line hits exactly how I feel about my upcoming trip..it goes as follows:
If I have to lose my life so that others can know Christ and gain eternal life, then so be it.
For most missions trips, at least from what I hear, the person going knows pretty much everything he or she needs to know before they leave. For this particular trip, its not the case because of the high-risk nature of the trip. If I said I wasn't freaking out...I'd be lying.
Yes, its
From Day 1 of knowing about the trip, we knew it was a high risk trip. We knew we wouldn't be able to talk about it or say where we were going. We knew there is a possibly of being arrested if we're caught doing what we're going to be doing. Now, though its all become a reality.
It's become a reality that I won't be here for Christmas, while the rest of my family celebrates together. I won't be here for New Years Eve, while my friends and family ring in a new year. I will be missing half of my winter break, sacrificing seeing friends that I haven't seen in a while.
But I wouldn't have it any other way.
I love thinking back over the years at the transformation that God has been doing in my life. If you would've told me at the beginning of my freshman year of college that I would be doing missions work two years from then, I would probably wouldn't have paid it any attention. If you would told me that I would be going to Africa and China in the same year, I would've laughed. While reminiscing about how far God has led me in my walk, I can't help but to think what is the driving factor of me wanting to go on this trip.
The obvious answer would be : Jesus.
The less "Sunday School" answer would be that it literally breaks my heart to look at the world around me and not be able to say I helped out the best way I could. The Love that dwells in me propels me to go out into the world in hopes of giving others a chance of finding the joy of Christ, just as I have. Its obvious that we live in a broken world, I believe that even atheists wouldn't deny that point.It's also obvious that this world needs a sense of hope, which I pray will be taken to the people of China when we arrive there on Saturday.
All too often lately, I've heard people tell me, "Im proud of you" or "You're doing amazing things" and every time someone says this I just want to tell them that they shouldn't be proud of me for doing what we're all supposed to do. It's almost as if I'm doing something
Lets also get another point out of the way, you don't have to be perfect to be a "missionary". In fact, throughout my life, I feel as though I've led many people away from Christ with my actions, which pains me to say but its the truth. In my short 20 years, I've dealt with the struggles of sin. Alcohol, Drugs, Sex....You name it, more than likely I've struggled with it. I don't say this to brag but to make a point that God will use you no matter what your story is. I am not perfect, but I am a child of the perfect and holy God. I consider what I am doing not work of a "missionary" because I am not out to make converts, I am out to show people the love of Christ and plant the seeds with the faith that God will water them. I consider it a privilege and an honor to serve alongside Him.
So here I sit at 2:45am in the morning on the 14th, nervous as ever. Nervous but ready to serve Him. I ask of you reading this to pray. Pray that in whatever happens, God's will be done.
Theres a song by NeedtoBreathe called "Garden" and its sung from Jesus' point of view while he was the garden the night before his death. The opening line hits exactly how I feel about my upcoming trip..it goes as follows:
"Won't you take this cup from me, cause fear has stolen all my sleep. If tomorrow means my death, I pray You'll save their souls with it"
If I have to lose my life so that others can know Christ and gain eternal life, then so be it.
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