To the Little Chinese Man trying to read this because you're monitoring my computer activity still...Jesus Loves YOU!

So this Christmas break has been a rollercoaster. I just returned from China, but can't talk about that because theres probably someone from the Chinese government reading this right now.( If you are reading this from China, just know that Jesus loves you!) So if you want to know about that, then ask me in person! Anyways, so I returned from my trip and went immediately to Passion 2012 in Atlanta. Between jetlag and a cold, I must admit I haven't gone to every session or community group but God knew which ones I would be at because everything I have gone to, He has rocked my world. Today's morning session in particular was extremely life changing. After running into my old math teacher here at Passion(Go read my blog "Everyone needs their own Susan Jones", God began to speak to me. He reminded me that I am linked to my failures, but to Him. If it wasn't for Him blessing me through Susan Jones, I wouldn't be who I am today. So at today's morning session, Louie Giglio, Lecrae, Francis Chan, Beth Moore, and John Piper read the whole book of Ephesians. Between every little bit and chapters, they would stop and tell us to ask Jesus to speak to us through His word. Well speak he did...

God of the Universe spoke to me personally:

1) That I wasn't making Him the Cornerstone of my life:

 Ephesians 2:19-22 says, "  ¹⁹ Consequently, you are no longer foreigners and strangers, but fellow citizens with God’s people and also members of his household, ²⁰ built on the foundation of the apostles and prophets, with Christ Jesus himself as the chief cornerstone. ²¹ In him the whole building is joined together and rises to become a holy temple in the Lord. ²² And in him you too are being built together to become a dwelling in which God lives by his Spirit. "

I was extremely convicted when I heard these verses and realized that this is why I feel like a fraud and a phony a lot when it comes to my faith. Don't get me wrong, I am a believer in Christ. I believe with all my heart and soul that He died for me. What I didn't believe and realize, until He spoke to me today, is that he should be the cornerstone of our lives. We should have him as a foundation so when the tough times come, we won't waiver. I had heard it many times before, but it didn't click until I heard the voice of God tell me this. I want to use the analogy of a kid in preschool using building blocks to build a tower, excited and on a "high", so to speak, once he puts the final block on top of the tower. What he didn't do though is make sure the foundation, the corner stone, was secure, so when someone walked by, the tower fell down. The kid began to cry, but in his sadness, began to rebuild the tower, only to repeat his failures over and over. Finally, he saw the missing block sitting beside the tower when he went to rebuild it for a final time. He knew the block was there the whole time, but just wasn't focused on it, so it slipped his mind over and over. To me, I am the kid. Or I was the kid. I would get on my spiritual highs, my tower would be built, but then I would fail, I would cave into the pressure of Satan's temptations and feel lower than ever. This is because I knew Jesus was there, I knew who he was, I even had in my view, but I kept losing focus. I kept losing sight of the fact that I am forgiven. I never had Him as my cornerstone. Now to say that I will never struggle or fail again isn't right for me to say. I live in sinful world, I am surround by darkness, but He who is in me is stronger and more powerful than he who is in the world. When my low season comes, I won't forget that I have been forgiven. That I have been surrounded by love and grace of the highest power.

 (A couple days passed after I wrote this, I never really completed my thought...but oh well)

….So its been a couple of days since I last wrote that, and honestly, its been a struggle.  I struggle with the fact that I have been forgiven. I struggle against the worldly temptations. I struggle everyday, all day. Yet, the hope comes in the fact that I am a friend, a child, a co-heir with Jesus Christ, who has overcome this world and everything in it. I must admit, my tower has fallen since I’ve come back to Charleston. Theres been times in my few days back that I’ve questioned God, sometimes doubted His plan. It pains me to admit that, but I think its natural. I don’t fully understand God and I will never fully comprehend His awesomeness. 

And that’s perfectly alright.

Another quote that Beth Moore said, and Im going to paraphrase, was “We will never fully understand the majesty of Jesus Christ, because once we fully understand things, we can master them, and we can’t master Jesus because He is the master.

I would ask for you to pray for me specific things, but I’m not. I will say let the Holy Spirit intercede for you and speak through you when you pray. He knows my life better than I do.He knows what I need. I also ask that you pray what Paul prayed in Ephesians 6:19-20 for me. Pray that I will fearlessly and boldly speak the Truth of the Gospel. I will do the same for you.