The Art of Losing Myself: The Story of How Colorado Came Into The Picture
I Lost....
I lost the struggle with God over whether or not to do ministry full time and now I will be moving to Colorado in the fall to be a part of a church plant.
Since going to Africa the first time, I have always hated to be called a "missionary". To me that word comes with a lot of responsibility and a lot of stigma that doesn't seem to rub too well with the world today. I would always respond with a kind gesture but also a denial when someone would call me that. I did not want to be in ministry full time, and I knew being called a missionary was a step towards that direction.
Then the Lord Spoke
I should know better by now than to fight against the Lord's plan. I guess there was a part of me that always knew this would be my future, but a bigger part of me that did not like the idea of it.
At the Well a couple weeks ago, a church service put on by Seacoast for "college/20s somethings", Ernest Smith announced that he was going to be planting a church in Denver, CO and a couple of other family that help with the Well were going to go with him. Check this out....I missed the service that night....instead I stayed home.
Once I heard the news, it was the beginning of the end for my battle against ministry. The Lord immediately began speaking to me, in ways I had never heard before. The next week at the Well, spoke of people my age going to Colorado....I knew immediately, that little blurb that Wes had just said was meant for me to hear. That was the final blow. I knew then I was going to move to Colorado.
Later that night, I emailed Ernest and told him about my plans to go with them. He met with me and we talked about it and everything it was going to entail. Then the Lord spoke through him again.
If you read my posts from the past, you would know that I always worried about my future. I didn't like that I couldn't control it and that lead me through some dark times and times of panic. I was scared of the "What Ifs" of failing and thats where the Lord spoke.
While we were talking, I brought up being nervous about just picking up and moving and Ernest responding with:
"Its easy to say, what if I fail? what if I don't get a job, what if it doesn't work....but look at the "what ifs" in this sense: what if God is in it? what if lives are changed because of this move? what if God has huge plans for me in Colorado?"
Peace entered my heart and soul about the move after hearing that. I know its the right decision. I know the Lord is in it. Just a month ago, I was talking of moving to California, with Colorado not even being on my radar. Then just like that, it landed in my lap.
Its also changed my way of thinking about ministry. Whether or not I am comfortable with it( I am now)..I signed up for full time ministry when I decided to follow Christ.
Looking from the outside, it doesn't make sense for me to go to Colorado. I don't have a place to live. I don't have a job. There is one thing I do have though, and his name is Jesus. Those who know me, know that these circumstances of not exactly knowing what is going to happen when I move should have me in a panic. This is also another way I know that I'm being led there by God because I am completely at peace with it.
Completely at peace with leaving my family, leaving my grandmother who has cancer, leaving my friends and what I know....logically, I should stay...but there is way too many people in Colorado that need to be shown Christ's love for me to remain in my comfort zone.
So here I go. Colorado will be my new home.
I lost the struggle with God over whether or not to do ministry full time and now I will be moving to Colorado in the fall to be a part of a church plant.
Since going to Africa the first time, I have always hated to be called a "missionary". To me that word comes with a lot of responsibility and a lot of stigma that doesn't seem to rub too well with the world today. I would always respond with a kind gesture but also a denial when someone would call me that. I did not want to be in ministry full time, and I knew being called a missionary was a step towards that direction.
Then the Lord Spoke
I should know better by now than to fight against the Lord's plan. I guess there was a part of me that always knew this would be my future, but a bigger part of me that did not like the idea of it.
At the Well a couple weeks ago, a church service put on by Seacoast for "college/20s somethings", Ernest Smith announced that he was going to be planting a church in Denver, CO and a couple of other family that help with the Well were going to go with him. Check this out....I missed the service that night....instead I stayed home.
Once I heard the news, it was the beginning of the end for my battle against ministry. The Lord immediately began speaking to me, in ways I had never heard before. The next week at the Well, spoke of people my age going to Colorado....I knew immediately, that little blurb that Wes had just said was meant for me to hear. That was the final blow. I knew then I was going to move to Colorado.
Later that night, I emailed Ernest and told him about my plans to go with them. He met with me and we talked about it and everything it was going to entail. Then the Lord spoke through him again.
If you read my posts from the past, you would know that I always worried about my future. I didn't like that I couldn't control it and that lead me through some dark times and times of panic. I was scared of the "What Ifs" of failing and thats where the Lord spoke.
While we were talking, I brought up being nervous about just picking up and moving and Ernest responding with:
"Its easy to say, what if I fail? what if I don't get a job, what if it doesn't work....but look at the "what ifs" in this sense: what if God is in it? what if lives are changed because of this move? what if God has huge plans for me in Colorado?"
Peace entered my heart and soul about the move after hearing that. I know its the right decision. I know the Lord is in it. Just a month ago, I was talking of moving to California, with Colorado not even being on my radar. Then just like that, it landed in my lap.
Its also changed my way of thinking about ministry. Whether or not I am comfortable with it( I am now)..I signed up for full time ministry when I decided to follow Christ.
Looking from the outside, it doesn't make sense for me to go to Colorado. I don't have a place to live. I don't have a job. There is one thing I do have though, and his name is Jesus. Those who know me, know that these circumstances of not exactly knowing what is going to happen when I move should have me in a panic. This is also another way I know that I'm being led there by God because I am completely at peace with it.
Completely at peace with leaving my family, leaving my grandmother who has cancer, leaving my friends and what I know....logically, I should stay...but there is way too many people in Colorado that need to be shown Christ's love for me to remain in my comfort zone.
So here I go. Colorado will be my new home.
I will share with you a familiar faith filled journey to Colorado with no job...no place to stay....and not a lot of money....one day when we have time to sit down and talk.....I am proud of you for stepping out on faith....God will honor that and bless it.....we will talk some time....love you...Unc...
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